Mother/Daughter-in-law or Mother/Daughter-in-love

  I was on pinterest a few days ago and came across something(okay I pinned for like an hour....but who's counting?!) and pinned it, 20 things every mother should tell her son.  One really stuck out to me, #20 said "choose your spouse wisely, she will be the gatekeeper to you and my grandchildren someday."
  Wow, is that not the truth.  So many Mother/Daughter-in-law relationships are horrible, even my own wasn't perfect and we had alot to learn about one another.  But I admired her and respected her opinion, and when I felt she disapproved it hurt me and caused tension.  I was immature in some ways and didn't want to be corrected or told I wasn't doing my job as a wife or a mother the right way.  I now know that she never meant I was doing it wrong, she just wanted to share her ideas with me....But I never asked because I didn't want a confrontation and so there it stood a wall between the two of us.  Two women that Loved the same man and this sweet little boy.  I definitely could have used the advice, but pride wouldn't allow me to accept it and the devil knew my weakness as a new wife and Mom.  Let me just remind you that I was only 19, I'm not saying that as an excuse for myself, but as a reminder that at that age I really had no clue.  I knew I loved my husband and I loved our son and that's all I needed to know at the time.  Now that I look back, I know that my Mother-In-Love really knew what she was talking about.  I'm not saying I should have submitted to her every whim or idea for what was best for us a family, no we  had to figure that our for ourselves.  But it wouldn't have hurt matters for me to consider her ideas and thoughts, after all, she did raise a wonderful man.  Don't get me wrong, we had our good times too.  She was funny and knew how to make people smile.  She was also had a very good knack for listening and reading people and their life situations.  She truly was a wonderful Woman and a wonderful Nani.
   Now Jeff and I have been married for 13 years, and Shirley, Jeff's Mom passed on after we were only married 6 years.   I've learned alot, and most of it the hard way.  So many times in the last few years as my boys are growing up I've wanted to ask her how she dealt with certain situations. I have often told Max before that he was my guinea pig child, he got everything tested on him first(as I'm sure it is with most first borns). 
  So what I have to say to all the future brides out there.......and this is more important than ever to me.....Love your Mother in Loves...after all they had a hand in creating and refining the man you love so much!  Respect their opinions, they may not be what you would do, but you cannot have Love without Respect, it just goes hand in hand. 
  I miss my Mother-in-love dearly and I pray EVERYDAY that God blesses me with a lovely daughter-in-love that can see the beauty of the Mother/Son relationship, as well as the beauty that lies in the relationship between the Mother/Daughter-in-Love.  After all.....I'm not asking for a Naomi and Ruth type of relationship.....I just don't want to lose a son, I want to gain a daughter!  And I will always try my best to respect their relationship as well.

I like this scripture for a new and blossoming relationships......

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in Love.


Now I want to be a little silly and remind you of a quote; 

A son is a son until he gains a wife....

Well I'm putting my own spin on that because as a mother of two sons I just can't believe that.  So here it is (This is by no means meant to offend anyone, just a little funny I came up with the other day, and if it offends then maybe you should check your relationship with your MIL);

A son is a son for life, if he changed his mind it's because of his wife!

Have a great day!!

It ain't over 'til it's over....or is it?

Surely everyone has been on a carousel, right?  I personally hate them.....they go round and round and round and round...well you get the picture!  You know what I LOVE?  Rollercoasters!  They're FAST, up, down, around and BOOM....your done!  Just like a band-aid.....once it's on you're stuck and you just have to ride it or rip it off quick!!  Lately my life has been alot like a carousel, the round and round.  Did I mention I HATE them?  Oh, yes I did!  Well it's not much different in life, I don't enjoy when things keep going round and round.  Much like the carousel, it upsets my stomach.  It frustrates me because I just want to get off, and no matter how many times I think I've jumped off I'm still going round and round.  What I'm getting at with this is; Sometimes in life just like at the carnival, people enjoy the carousel.  They enjoy the round and round, they just can't let it go.  Even though you don't want to ride, they always manage to try and drag you on it!  I mean who doesn't want their words to matter, and make a point.....get it across what you really want to say.....but then it just needs to end!  But it can't because there will always be more to it than what meets the eye.  I've found that the best thing is to just agree with that person, and walk away.  It doesn't mean they are right and you are wrong, it just means your carousel ticket has expired.  That's it!!  When it comes to life's problems, I would much rather take the coaster!  It's gonna have it's ups and downs and it might even loop, but dang it.....when is over it's over! 

I found the following scripture to be very fitting for the days ahead of me!

 

1 Corinthians 6

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁷ Even to have such lawsuits with one another is a defeat for you. Why not just accept the injustice and leave it at that? Why not let yourselves be cheated? ⁸ Instead, you yourselves are the ones who do wrong and cheat even your fellow believers.^[c]

Releasing the Flood

I’ve been wrestling with forgiveness for quite sometime now.  The more I considered it the more hurt I became.  Thinking over and over in my head how can I forgive I want this person to feel my pain and the deepness of the hurt I feel.  When all along I’ve been the only one in agony and my pain will never be theirs.  This person doesn’t even know they’ve wronged me, although they should.  It’s pretty clear by my absence in their life that I no longer want to be friends and I’ve been hurt.  Regardless of my feelings God has called me to forgive and until I did I was miserable.  I mean I still functioned on a daily basis and being happy at the right times, but I had lost my Joy for life.  I had considered this person to be my Joy stealer, when in reality I had just handed it over.  They didn’t steal my joy, I freely gave it up by holding on to my hurt and creating a grudge against the injustice I felt was done to me.  In my mind by holding on to this grudge I was holding on to everything that I didn’t want to lose, but when the whole picture was revealed, well lets just say I was losing it….literally!  I had many conversations with God trying to convince him I had the right to hang on, telling him if I hold on to it, things will work out for the best.  Just in case you’ve ever been curious about the thoughts of a scatter brained, grudge holding, do-it-yourselfer…well wonder no more!!  I was not ready to give up or let go.  I felt insecure and stressed just to name a few.  I had shared my sob story with my husband, a friend and my Mom.  I was dragging my feet straight through the wilderness when suddenly(well if you call a year later sudden) I felt God urging me through a song.  He wanted me to let him be the redeemer of my hurt, the sounding board for my pain and loss.  He told me to just forgive, he would handle the rest.  Okay, truthfully, he had been telling me that for a while, but I wasn’t ready.  I guess in that moment I was finally ready, my feet were tired from all the wilderness walking, you know that will wear a girl out!  So I sat there in my misery and decided to reach out to the person that had caused all my hurt, I shared my heavy heart and opened it back up to allow forgiveness in.  I needed desperately to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus.  I knew I was taking a chance that this person may not be willing to open up to me, but that wasn't the point.  Just saying that I needed to forgive was all it took!  What happened after that matters not, I’ve since forgiven and just saying the words released the flood of blessings that had been built up for over a year!  They just began to poor in and all around!  It was amazing, God is Amazing when we let him show us his Glory!  I urge you friends to listen to that voice in your heart crying out to be free with forgiveness….release the flood!

 

 

Restless

Restless, but I don't know about the young part.....okay maybe I'm still considered young.  Who really knows anymore, age is just a number, right? 
I don't know what it is these days, but I have been feeling so restless.  I have this stirring in my soul to do or be something but I'm just not sure of it.  I haven't decided if it's just a phase in my life that I'm going through, or just a need to be needed, or a stirring from God.  And school has been a real struggle for me lately.  I can't seem to focus on any of my homework assignments.  I've been trying to convince myself that I need to strap down and get it together but I just can't stay on task.  I have prayed and prayed about God's direction for my life in regards to school and what he wants me to accomplish through it, or if it's even something that is in his will for my life.  I need a revelation of some sort, a clear direction to know and feel the peace in my heart of being satisfied with right here and right now.  Just to be still and know that He is......He is God, He is in control, He is always faithful, He is!!  But God....I am so fragile right now, I am so worried over little things, I am feeling restless.....even though I am.....He still is!! 
I really thought these feelings of restlessness would come later in life, ya know?  Like when I have all my children grown.....but so far I only have one who has flown the coop and 2 little chicks still under my wing.  I don't want to disappoint them.  I want to give them something or someone to look up to.  I have always wanted to finish college, but I didn't go when I was fresh out of high school because I didn't know what I wanted to "be" you know like they tell you.......would I be who I was supposed to be if I had gone to college when I graduated?  I can't answer that, but what I do know is God knows....he has ordained my days and he knew I would be right where I am today.  Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that he knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper and not to harm me.  Sometimes my plans bring harm to myself....maybe not physical harm but spiritual harm.  My plans have even allowed me to prosper at times....but not like God's plan does.  I don't just mean financially either, I mean to really prosper.  To have things that money can't buy.....really those aren't things at all and they didn't come through my own doing either.  I usually mess that stuff up, but what God has ordained can't be made into a mess.  He turns my messes into beauty.....He is so good!! 
Really this is just me, talking to myself.  Trying to convince myself of what to do here.....where to turn next?  In all reality I just need to let God be who He is and allow him to work in my life.  So where to turn next.....my knees....it's only place where peace will surpass all understanding in my life.

Scratching the surface

Father, forgive me when I respond in anger to the difficult people in my life. I really want Your love to flow through me to each sandpaper person with whom I come in contact. Give me Your heart of compassion to feel their pain and then teach me how to look for ways to help ease that pain.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

This was the prayer in my daily devotional today and after the day I had yesterday and some that have occured in the recent past.....well I really need to be on my knees praying this!

We all have those people that we come in contact with. Some of them are people we deeply care about, but they just rub us wrong at times. We are probably someone else's sandpaper person if we want to be totally honest with ourselves....nah, who wants that?! LOL

I have recently been rubbed raw, I mean completely raw. I have thrown in the towel, cried myself to sleep, felt sick to my stomach....over what? Over something that just spun me for a loop. I am and always have been an all or nothing kind of person. I don't know how else to be. When I give all of myself to something or give my time to someone I completely go there, you know what I mean? And when that person doesn't reciprocate or acknowledge that I am trying to be there for them or encourage them, or even that I am simply trying to reach out to them, it just sends me into a tail spin. I really do not relate well to those kinds of people.....I need feedback. I feel that it is a very important and valuable aspect of any relationship. After the short episode of the Young and the Restless in my life......well ok let me be honest.....it wasn't really that short, but this morning after I woke up and realized that the circumstances are what they are and there isn't anything I can do to change them, I started thinking about some other things surrounding this situation. After contemplating over these things I started to look at the whole picture, actually God paused the DVR of my thoughts for a moment to put his thoughts into play. There is a reason for the wall that has been built and I just haven't found the right tools to tear it down yet. And there is a reason for the defiance and I can be compassionate to that. I don't like change either so when things are changing around us and they affect those we love, well they affect us too. If your sandpaper person is a loved one at the moment just embrace it, use it to mold your life. Hopefully in return you will mold theirs too.

How do we avoid scratching (if you're the sandpaper person) and how do we avoid getting scratched? Be compassionate to what is going on in the other persons life right now. What struggles or stresses is he/she dealing with? What changes are occuring in their life right now? I am a selfish person by nature. Most of the time of put myself into situations where heartache is inevidable. But then when my heart is broken I am just flabbergasted....like...WELL, who do they think they are coming up in my life trying to change the rules to the game that I created?! If I only said what was really on my mind and yes at times I have said more than I should have, but I am still a work in progress and I will eventually master my thoughts from falling off of my tongue. I just hope that in the mean time I don't lash too many people out of hurt or anger. I do believe the bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger. So that explains it, we may lash out and say things we don't mean, but what are we going to do about it? Apologize, Apologize, Apologize.....as many times as it takes to bring restoration.

Brain Frenzy!!

Before I get started I must warn you as a reader that this blog goes in several different directions today....just like my brain!! 

Whats on the agenda for today?  I have about a million and one ideas running through my head today....sheesh....slow down brain I can't keep up!!  My family of course is at the top of the list and I've been planning Neiley's birthday party which is coming up really soon.  She chose Owls as her theme, which are super cute (I've got to get invitations done and sent out)!!  I have set it up on FB which I love because I'm terrible at getting things in the mail to people, but I wanted to invite her friends from school too so I guess I better go ahead and create some kind of invite.  I've got the cupcakes delegated to someone so that's something to check off my list, but now I need to get some decor together.....I don't want to spend alot of money though.  The kids could care less about decorations!! 

Next on my list of brain frenzy!!  I've been volunteering at the pregnancy crisis center and I thought that this would bring a sense of fullfillment, but it hasn't.  This is something that's truly been on my mind for a few years now and I really thought that I would enjoy giving my time there, I don't know if I missed the boat on that one or maybe God's calling me to another area of service there but I really felt like he was directing me in this decision.  I'm going to continue to pray about it and listen to what he lays on my heart.  Maybe it's just because I've got several other irons in the fire right now, maybe He's calling me to it just not at this very moment, but he continues to place it in my thoughts as to say, don't forget about this.  Please tell me you have felt this way too?

3rd item on my list- It's been about 3 months since our oldest moved out.  And oh my goodness were the scales of my libran personality totally tipped!!!!  But I have regrouped and Thanks to my dear friends and family members who stuck it out for a long ride on the CRAZY train!! Choo choo!!  I'm finally feeling a sense of peace here.  When mom's with experience in this area told me that it was all going to be ok and it really does get better.....I just couldn't imagine how one of my own leaving the house could possible be good.  I mean I'm not a helicopter Mom by any means and I do believe we need to try out our wings, but I just wasn't ready....and I didn't have to kick him out of the nest, he left willingly! LOL!  But listen.....I see it now.....very clearly!  He needed about 3 months to see what life was truly like, making his own decisions, paying his own bills(and yes he does pay his own bills, hasn't asked us for a cent!!  Success in my books, but who's counting) coming home when he felt like it, eating whatever he wanted....whenever.  So now that it's been 3 months, I'm seeing a change.  Not just in me, but him too.  I'm seeing that it's good for us to be apart.  He appreciates what I do for him more now than he used to, he actually calls us and we don't have to call him (BIG smiles).  For me the changes I see in myself is a sense of satisfation that Jeff and I have raised such a wonderful person.  And I'm less freaked out that he has left the house and he's never gonna call us again and he's never gonna want to hangout with us again.  I realize now that I was just lost in a zone of pity, and yes we are all entitled to a little pity party now and then.  But life goes on and we go on with it.

4th thing on the mind- School!!!  UGH!! let's don't even go there......moving on!!

Numero cinco- Church......I don't want to go there today either!

#6- This saturday is Disney on Ice......Toy Story 3 and I have tickets!!! YAY!  Can't wait!  Neiley has no idea and she is gonna be pumped!  Logan will go along for the ride.....Max actually wanted to go, so for a bonus I asked his GF to come along!!  Looks to be a pretty sweet day!!

So.....Right now I'm just trying to figure out how to be the very best me that I can be.  I'm BACK!!  I'm enjoying this precious life that God has blessed me with and smiling through it and most of all enjoying my family!! 

Goodbye Rut....It's been real.....but it hasn't been fun!! 

I have had this song in my head today so I wanted to share with you.

Sheryl Crow- All I wanna do

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6zIEfSxqkg

Control!

Does your brain ever feel like your email account looks?  You know what I'm talking about.....so much junk, spam, get a discount for this, read this, this is important!!!!  OMG......DELETE!!  Sometimes I just want to delete things as I go along.  Ok....I don't like this....Delete!  I really don't want to talk to you.....Spam!  Oh my gosh.....that's disgusting.....Delete!   I wish it worked that way somedays!  There are those days when I have a hard time trying to distinguish what's important from what isn't.  Or even getting distracted in the middle of what's important for something I really want to do, but I know it can wait, but I really don't want to do what I'm doing right now so I get side tracked.  Maybe I'm a little ADD....I don't know, but I know I'm not alone.  Recently I've been praying that God will give me Grace for the Moment.  That I will stop before reacting to my desires or wants for the moment and take a step back to look at the bigger picture.  Maybe not always my desires or wants but even my attitude and how I'm feeling about a particular situation.  No I may not always like the situations that I'm in by choice or not, but I can most definitely choose how I react to those situations.  I'm gonna go off track here a little bit to give you an idea of what I'm talking about so bare with me.  I love a good surprise....you know those that you never knew about and had no idea anyone was planning something this special for you.....thinking about how much you were gonna just love it!  I love those!  I also love the little surprises like a special gift or flowers etc...  But oh my goodness, when something so small happens, I'm talking about when you have something planned or this idea in your head of how something is going to be and it really doesn't work out that way (I'm a planner.....Okay really that's just my nice word for Control Freak).  Or maybe something extra or different got thrown into the loop.  Those surprises tend to throw me completely off balance.  Sometimes so much so that I need to take a moment to just stop, renavigate my thoughts before I blow!  I recentely had this happen to me.  I was caught off guard and I got a little short and snappy with someone involved and I realized that I was about to chew some fat!  I had to be short with this person so I could walk away and pray!  I prayed for grace to deal with the situation and prayed for fogiveness that I felt the way I felt and for patience because it wasn't how I planned it to be.  Then when I walked away from laying it all down I felt a sense of relief.  Relief because I knew that God was taking care of it, and relief that I actually was able to control my reaction to the situation at hand.  What control......oh I love that word....control!  But I only love it when I'm in it!  So guess what God has told me to do?  I know for some of you reading this will sound so simple and elementary but just humor me ok!  He said....Kami, you cannot control your circumstances or the people in them.....but you can control you and your reaction to the circumstances and the people in them!!  What....What Lord?  You mean I can have a little bit of control.....I'll take it!!  After thinking about all of this, I really don't want to control anyone or anything....that's just too much for anybody to deal with.  Being the control freak that I am, I'm sure I'll forget this converstion with God and try my hand at what I do best.....but I know he will gently nudge me and say....uh hmm....Remember what we talked about....you know....your control issues?  And I'll say ok Lord I'm off it!!  Well maybe it won't go exactly like that, but I'm working on it!!  As I work on these issues I'm seeing little victories here and there in my life, mostly my family.  So with that being said I want to share a scripture thought.

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you *(me) will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

*I added that so when I read it I will know that it means me not just you!
This right here tells me that it's ok that I'm not perfect, it's okay that I still make the same mistakes.  It's a learning curve.  No I don't believe that we can continue to choose sin over and over because we have this magic Jesus that makes everything ok.....that's not what I'm saying or what this verse says.  It simply means that When we have accepted Christ he begins to do things in our lives that mold us into the person he has called us to be.  I'm not going to be like you, you're not going to be like me.  It takes different personalities and gifts, and I believe if I'm/you're truly seeking Christ and in my/your life he will show me/you who I am/you are called to be through him.