I know there is no going back

I have had a rough few months I guess you could say.  My family has had some changes....Max graduated from high school and then in June he moved out.  That's been very difficult for me.  I have struggled with trying to hold onto him and wanting to allow myself to let go.  I can't explain the feeling, but I know that every time I think about it I tear up.  It's still very raw and emotional for me.  I am however coming more to the letting go aspect of it.  It's just too much work to try to hang on, and after I was truly honest with myself I began to think about what exactly it was I was trying so hard to hold on to.  The truth is I wanted it to be how it used to be....when he wasn't so busy and wanted to spend time with us more.   I don't want to hang on to the hustle and bustle of the teenage years....no you can keep all of that thank you very much! Although there are times in his teen years that I really enjoyed.  Just being around the house and hearing the noises of him and his friends having a good time laughing and cutting up.  I felt like I was actually a part of his life...knowing who he was spending time with and what they were doing.  Now to talk to him I have to call or text or facebook him.  Which I am trying really hard not to do so much because it makes it harder to let go.  I remember when I moved out and away from my Mom....I was 10 hours away and didn't have a cell phone or facebook.  We could call on the home phone or send e-mail, but you weren't promised an instant connection.  If you weren't home then you called back.  Besides the fact that I'm a girl and a Mommas girl at that....I pretty much called her everyday sometimes more than once a day. 
I guess what I am trying to say is, my heart is broken a little bit.  I miss the little boy he used to be and I miss just hearing about his day to day stuff.  I think about that country song by Trace Adkins- You're Gonna Miss This. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIBediEAcUQ

Yes it's true......I just want to go back to the time when this cute little button nose, brown eyed little boy adored me and only wanted to sit beside me at the dinner table.....But I know there is no going back to the way it used to be so I might as well let go and enjoy the ride.