Father, forgive me when I respond in anger to the difficult people in my life. I really want Your love to flow through me to each sandpaper person with whom I come in contact. Give me Your heart of compassion to feel their pain and then teach me how to look for ways to help ease that pain.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
This was the prayer in my daily devotional today and after the day I had yesterday and some that have occured in the recent past.....well I really need to be on my knees praying this!
We all have those people that we come in contact with. Some of them are people we deeply care about, but they just rub us wrong at times. We are probably someone else's sandpaper person if we want to be totally honest with ourselves....nah, who wants that?! LOL
I have recently been rubbed raw, I mean completely raw. I have thrown in the towel, cried myself to sleep, felt sick to my stomach....over what? Over something that just spun me for a loop. I am and always have been an all or nothing kind of person. I don't know how else to be. When I give all of myself to something or give my time to someone I completely go there, you know what I mean? And when that person doesn't reciprocate or acknowledge that I am trying to be there for them or encourage them, or even that I am simply trying to reach out to them, it just sends me into a tail spin. I really do not relate well to those kinds of people.....I need feedback. I feel that it is a very important and valuable aspect of any relationship. After the short episode of the Young and the Restless in my life......well ok let me be honest.....it wasn't really that short, but this morning after I woke up and realized that the circumstances are what they are and there isn't anything I can do to change them, I started thinking about some other things surrounding this situation. After contemplating over these things I started to look at the whole picture, actually God paused the DVR of my thoughts for a moment to put his thoughts into play. There is a reason for the wall that has been built and I just haven't found the right tools to tear it down yet. And there is a reason for the defiance and I can be compassionate to that. I don't like change either so when things are changing around us and they affect those we love, well they affect us too. If your sandpaper person is a loved one at the moment just embrace it, use it to mold your life. Hopefully in return you will mold theirs too.
How do we avoid scratching (if you're the sandpaper person) and how do we avoid getting scratched? Be compassionate to what is going on in the other persons life right now. What struggles or stresses is he/she dealing with? What changes are occuring in their life right now? I am a selfish person by nature. Most of the time of put myself into situations where heartache is inevidable. But then when my heart is broken I am just flabbergasted....like...WELL, who do they think they are coming up in my life trying to change the rules to the game that I created?! If I only said what was really on my mind and yes at times I have said more than I should have, but I am still a work in progress and I will eventually master my thoughts from falling off of my tongue. I just hope that in the mean time I don't lash too many people out of hurt or anger. I do believe the bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger. So that explains it, we may lash out and say things we don't mean, but what are we going to do about it? Apologize, Apologize, Apologize.....as many times as it takes to bring restoration.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Brain Frenzy!!
Before I get started I must warn you as a reader that this blog goes in several different directions today....just like my brain!!
Whats on the agenda for today? I have about a million and one ideas running through my head today....sheesh....slow down brain I can't keep up!! My family of course is at the top of the list and I've been planning Neiley's birthday party which is coming up really soon. She chose Owls as her theme, which are super cute (I've got to get invitations done and sent out)!! I have set it up on FB which I love because I'm terrible at getting things in the mail to people, but I wanted to invite her friends from school too so I guess I better go ahead and create some kind of invite. I've got the cupcakes delegated to someone so that's something to check off my list, but now I need to get some decor together.....I don't want to spend alot of money though. The kids could care less about decorations!!
Next on my list of brain frenzy!! I've been volunteering at the pregnancy crisis center and I thought that this would bring a sense of fullfillment, but it hasn't. This is something that's truly been on my mind for a few years now and I really thought that I would enjoy giving my time there, I don't know if I missed the boat on that one or maybe God's calling me to another area of service there but I really felt like he was directing me in this decision. I'm going to continue to pray about it and listen to what he lays on my heart. Maybe it's just because I've got several other irons in the fire right now, maybe He's calling me to it just not at this very moment, but he continues to place it in my thoughts as to say, don't forget about this. Please tell me you have felt this way too?
3rd item on my list- It's been about 3 months since our oldest moved out. And oh my goodness were the scales of my libran personality totally tipped!!!! But I have regrouped and Thanks to my dear friends and family members who stuck it out for a long ride on the CRAZY train!! Choo choo!! I'm finally feeling a sense of peace here. When mom's with experience in this area told me that it was all going to be ok and it really does get better.....I just couldn't imagine how one of my own leaving the house could possible be good. I mean I'm not a helicopter Mom by any means and I do believe we need to try out our wings, but I just wasn't ready....and I didn't have to kick him out of the nest, he left willingly! LOL! But listen.....I see it now.....very clearly! He needed about 3 months to see what life was truly like, making his own decisions, paying his own bills(and yes he does pay his own bills, hasn't asked us for a cent!! Success in my books, but who's counting) coming home when he felt like it, eating whatever he wanted....whenever. So now that it's been 3 months, I'm seeing a change. Not just in me, but him too. I'm seeing that it's good for us to be apart. He appreciates what I do for him more now than he used to, he actually calls us and we don't have to call him (BIG smiles). For me the changes I see in myself is a sense of satisfation that Jeff and I have raised such a wonderful person. And I'm less freaked out that he has left the house and he's never gonna call us again and he's never gonna want to hangout with us again. I realize now that I was just lost in a zone of pity, and yes we are all entitled to a little pity party now and then. But life goes on and we go on with it.
4th thing on the mind- School!!! UGH!! let's don't even go there......moving on!!
Numero cinco- Church......I don't want to go there today either!
#6- This saturday is Disney on Ice......Toy Story 3 and I have tickets!!! YAY! Can't wait! Neiley has no idea and she is gonna be pumped! Logan will go along for the ride.....Max actually wanted to go, so for a bonus I asked his GF to come along!! Looks to be a pretty sweet day!!
So.....Right now I'm just trying to figure out how to be the very best me that I can be. I'm BACK!! I'm enjoying this precious life that God has blessed me with and smiling through it and most of all enjoying my family!!
Goodbye Rut....It's been real.....but it hasn't been fun!!
I have had this song in my head today so I wanted to share with you.
Sheryl Crow- All I wanna do
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