Releasing the Flood

I’ve been wrestling with forgiveness for quite sometime now.  The more I considered it the more hurt I became.  Thinking over and over in my head how can I forgive I want this person to feel my pain and the deepness of the hurt I feel.  When all along I’ve been the only one in agony and my pain will never be theirs.  This person doesn’t even know they’ve wronged me, although they should.  It’s pretty clear by my absence in their life that I no longer want to be friends and I’ve been hurt.  Regardless of my feelings God has called me to forgive and until I did I was miserable.  I mean I still functioned on a daily basis and being happy at the right times, but I had lost my Joy for life.  I had considered this person to be my Joy stealer, when in reality I had just handed it over.  They didn’t steal my joy, I freely gave it up by holding on to my hurt and creating a grudge against the injustice I felt was done to me.  In my mind by holding on to this grudge I was holding on to everything that I didn’t want to lose, but when the whole picture was revealed, well lets just say I was losing it….literally!  I had many conversations with God trying to convince him I had the right to hang on, telling him if I hold on to it, things will work out for the best.  Just in case you’ve ever been curious about the thoughts of a scatter brained, grudge holding, do-it-yourselfer…well wonder no more!!  I was not ready to give up or let go.  I felt insecure and stressed just to name a few.  I had shared my sob story with my husband, a friend and my Mom.  I was dragging my feet straight through the wilderness when suddenly(well if you call a year later sudden) I felt God urging me through a song.  He wanted me to let him be the redeemer of my hurt, the sounding board for my pain and loss.  He told me to just forgive, he would handle the rest.  Okay, truthfully, he had been telling me that for a while, but I wasn’t ready.  I guess in that moment I was finally ready, my feet were tired from all the wilderness walking, you know that will wear a girl out!  So I sat there in my misery and decided to reach out to the person that had caused all my hurt, I shared my heavy heart and opened it back up to allow forgiveness in.  I needed desperately to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus.  I knew I was taking a chance that this person may not be willing to open up to me, but that wasn't the point.  Just saying that I needed to forgive was all it took!  What happened after that matters not, I’ve since forgiven and just saying the words released the flood of blessings that had been built up for over a year!  They just began to poor in and all around!  It was amazing, God is Amazing when we let him show us his Glory!  I urge you friends to listen to that voice in your heart crying out to be free with forgiveness….release the flood!